Double Standards: Surviving the Boss from Hell!
Meet my ex-boss, the epitome of a boss with double standards, exerts favouritism and has unrealistic expectations. From the moment you are within the same room, you can feel the heavy weight of judgement coming from him and the weight of his demands. The unyielding pressure that accompanies alongside with comparisons he would make about you with others, is overwhelming.
I worked under him for 3 years. It was when I came back from maternity leave, that he decided he would rather my counterpart who backfilled my role. So, he proceeded with pushing me out, threatening me and “applying pressure” which then led to my resignation.
At the time it was an excruciating experience, one that almost broke me, sending me weekly to my psychologist’s office because I was depressed, lost my sense of self-worth, and lost my dear friend who replaced me because a job was more important to her than our friendship. I often ask myself whether this experience has caused hidden wounds that has given me PTSD.
My ex-boss was a bully and it took me 3 years to realise I was being bullied. He was the Director, and I was the Deputy Director of a large department. He would call me his “bulldog”, the one he’d send out to the team to do his dirty work. He would hide behind me and made me the bad guy. So, if HR was to ever turnaround, I would take the hit. Typical.
Despite preaching the importance of teamwork and fairness, my ex-boss consistently applies double standards when it comes to evaluating his staff. He sets high standards for his employees, demanding exceptional results and unwavering dedication, but conveniently exempts himself from the same expectations.
While he expects his team to work long hours and sacrifice personal time, he often calls in sick on a Monday morning, leaves early, and rarely participates in the projects he assigns. He was controlling and strategic, he didn’t want to share too much of what he knew or kept the important assignments to himself in case we may outshine and replace him in his role.
So why was I so naïve to realise that I was being bullied and made to do his dirty work? Sadly, I’ve come to the realisation that my story is not the only one. The higher you are in the chain, the worse it has been for me. I have seen things, words being twisted, and HR who are meant to support you, turn a blind eye.
Here in this blog post, let’s make sure you have the tools to identify and navigate this difficult situation. Do not let it affect your personal life and wellbeing like it did mine! It’s simply not worth it.
We will discuss:
Double Standards Exposed: EIGHT Telltale Signs of a Hypocritical Boss
NINE WAYS on How to navigate a Boss with Double Standards
FIVE Examples of what to say when you’re caught in a toxic discussion
Double Standards Exposed: EIGHT Telltale Signs of a Hypocritical Boss
Confronting a boss with double standards can be both frustrating and demoralising. The inconsistent and unfair expectations can create not only a toxic working environment but leaves the team feeling undervalued and exasperated.
Let’s go through the 8 signs to watch out for:
- Differential treatment: Treating certain employees differently based on personal biases or favouritism. They will praise and reward on a selected few while dismissing or ignoring the efforts of others, leading to feelings of inequality and resentment.
- Expectations differ amongst the team: They will have different standards for similar tasks or projects for different employees. Double standards manifest when some staff receive leniency for underperforming, while others are held to a higher standard. This inconsistency can lead to team members feeling frustrated and demotivated.
- Changing the Rules on the fly: They might enforce strict rules one day and then change them the next. There is inconsistency causing confusion and lack of trust in the team.
- Only enforcing selected policies: They will only enforce policies and procedures that is best suited for them and apply them differently amongst different team members depending on the situation.
- Favourtism: A boss who plays favourites is a clear sign of double standards. They will have preferential treatment towards specific individuals, allowing them more opportunities and flexibilities. This can be detrimental for the team leading to divisions within the team and erode team morale.
- Lack of Accountability: A boss with double standards often operates in secrecy, withholding important information or decision-making processes from the team. They often give vague responses and leave employees in the dark. This severely hinders collaboration and productivity.
- Feedback given is often contradictory: Feedback is often inconsistent, contradictory or lacks specific guidance. Your behaviour may be praised one day but then the same behaviour is reprimanded another day. This leads to confusion and frustration.
- Lack of Respect for Work-Life Balance: They expect team members to be available 24/7 and have no regard of your days off. They will respond to emails outside of regular working hours expecting an urgent reply.
It is important to recognise the signs of double standards in your boss’ behaviour. If they can have preferential treatment amongst team members, they will certainly have the same treatment applied to themselves. My ex-boss use to call in sick every single Monday, but if a team member were to do that, it would be completely frowned upon. Recognising these red flags, will enable you to distinguish that this is a flaw within their personality and probably most likely would have very little to do with you. Ensure you are performing and meeting your KPIs, look after your well-being and professional growth. Remember, you deserve fairness, respect and equal treatment in the workplace.
NINE WAYS on How to navigate a Boss with Double Standards
Navigating a boss with double standards can be challenging and must be done with professionalism and tact. Here are some tips to do this effectively:
- Always maintain professionalism: Regardless of the situation or unfair treatment, it is crucial to maintain a professional front. Avoiding engaging in office gossip or speaking negatively about your boss. Focus on your work and maintain a positive attitude.
- Identify the signs of double standards. See section, Double Standards Exposed: 8 Telltale Signs of a Hypocritical Boss
- Focus on your performance, KPIs and results: When assessing whether your boss has double standards or not, you should ensure you are performing well, delivering high-quality work, and exceeding the expectations that have been set for you. By focusing on your performance and striving for excellence, this will remove you from being target.
- Document everything: Keep a record of all your work, projects, achievements, and any instances where you are a victim to the double standard treatment. This documentation can be valuable later and used as evidence of unfair treatment if you wish to take this further.
- If you encounter a situation where you are being treated unfairly, communicate assertively, quickly but respectfully with your boss. Choose an appropriate time and place and express your concerns calmly and professionally. Make sure you document the meeting afterwards. See examples below of what you can say to your boss.
- Seek feedback and clarification regularly from your boss to clarify what the expectations are and how your work is being evaluated. This will enable to help you understand what you are expected to do.
- Find a mentor and a support network: By seeking guidance from a mentor or trusted colleague can help provide valuable insight, clarification but also support for your mental well-being and professional growth.
- Explore internal resources: Consider discussing the issue with an external lawyer, HR or a higher-level manager within the organisation. Present your concerns and provide any documented evidence you have gathered.
- Take care of yourself: It is not easy having a boss that has double standards. Ensure you take care of your mental and physical wellbeing. Engage in activities that help you relax, manage stress and maintain a health work-life balance.
FIVE Examples of what to say when you’re caught in a toxic discussion
Example 1:
“I appreciate your guidance and leadership, but I wanted to clarify with the way certain situations are handled. I believe it’s important for us to have a fair and consistent approach for everyone on the team. Could we discuss this further?”
Example 2:
“Your expertise and the opportunities that you create for your team is highly valued, however there is a perception that different standards are applied to different team members. I wanted to clarify these so that it’s clear and consistent to foster a more productive working environment. Can we please discuss further?”
Example 3:
“Your leadership style is admirable, but some team members are held to different standards compared to others and just wanted to check whether this was your intention. Having a fair working environment allows for everyone to feel valued. I’d like to assist you in making sure that there is consistency across the team.”
Example 4:
“Your decisions are highly respected, but I’ve noticed situations where similar actions have resulted in different outcomes for different individuals and wanted to check if this is what was intended. Perceived inconsistencies amongst a team can be demoralising and change the team dynamics. Let’s discuss more so that our team can be more cohesive?”
Example 5:
“Thank you for your support and guidance. I’ve noticed in certain situations where policies or rules are applied differently. Are you able to teach me as to why this has happened? It’s important for us to have equal treatment to maintain trust within our team. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss this further?”
In Summary:
- Be professional: Don’t gossip, seek advice from a laywer, HR or someone you trust
- Seek support and advice:
- Take care of yourself:
When dealing with a boss who exhibits double standards, it’s important to maintain professionalism and approach the situation with open communication. By expressing your concerns respectfully and highlighting the importance of fairness and consistency, you can initiate a constructive dialogue. Remember to focus on finding solutions and working together to establish clear standards that apply equitably to all team members. Try not to take it personal. By addressing the issue openly, you can foster a more harmonious work environment where everyone feels valued and motivated to perform their best.
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